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Tom === Thomas S. Tierney

Humor and Fun

Random thoughts and jokes

Posted Jun 6, 2012

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Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012
One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"

She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."

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Replies

  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jun 29, 2013
    86% of all statistics are made up on the spot, including this on.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jun 29, 2013
    A new government 10 year survey cost $3,000,000,000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population.

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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jun 29, 2013
    According to recent surveys, 51% of the people are in the majority.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jul 1, 2013
    I love how coffee fixes everything.
    Tired?
    Drink some coffee.
    Headache?
    Drink coffee.
    Cold?
    Drink coffee.
    Someone piss you off?
    Toss the cup at them....
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jul 2, 2013
    [quote]I love how coffee fixes everything.
    Tired?
    Drink some coffee.
    Headache?
    Drink coffee.
    Cold?
    Drink coffee.
    Someone piss you off?
    Toss the cup at them....[/quote]Same with whiskey, but just make sure the bottle is empty before throwing it at them.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jul 2, 2013
    I would never throw a bottle at someone if there was even one drink left init.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jul 4, 2013
    Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving a party at 9:30pm
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jul 4, 2013
    Marriage destroyed my relationship with two wonderful women.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jul 4, 2013
    I just wish more of my handcuff experiences involved sex...and not cops.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jul 5, 2013
    An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jul 5, 2013
    Confucius Says: Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jul 5, 2013
    Confucius say getting sick at the airport, could be a terminal illness.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jul 5, 2013
    There are two kinds of people who never amount to much:
    those who cannot do what they are told, and those who can do nothing else.
    ~ Cyrus Curtis, 1850 - 1933

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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jul 5, 2013
    Confucius say man who drive like hell bound to get there.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jul 5, 2013
    “He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.”
    ~ Epictetus
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jul 6, 2013
    He who laughs last thinks slowest.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jul 6, 2013
    How to start the day and feel really good:

    * Open a new file on your computer.
    * Entitle it "Housework."
    * Place it in the Recycle Bin.
    * Empty the Recycle Bin.
    * Your computer will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"

    Answer "Yes" and click the left mouse button firmly.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jul 8, 2013
    A converted cannibal is one who, on Friday, eats only fishermen.~  Emily Lotney
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jul 8, 2013
    Beware of the converted vegetarian cannibal who likes nuts.
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jul 8, 2013
    A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jul 8, 2013
    If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jul 8, 2013
    [url=http://www.just-one-liners.com/marriage/1202][/url]Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later, and for another thing, they die earlier.H.L. Mencken[url=http://www.just-one-liners.com/ppl/mencken][/url]
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  • T=
    Tom === Thomas S. Tierney
    Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
    Jul 9, 2013
    Michael Douglas sparked a firestorm recently claiming that he caught throat cancer by giving oral sex to his wife.
    It begs two obvious questions.
    Is this a sound medical diagnosis
    or is Michael Douglas just the latest Democrat to blame everything on Bush?
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  • MA
    ManOfWicklow
    ManOfWicklow
    Jul 11, 2013
    Sam: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
    Teacher: "No, of course not."
    Sam: "Good, because I didn't do my homework.
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