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Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster
Jun 6, 2012One night I went to a local bar and asked the very pretty barmaid
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
"Where have you been all my life?"
She smiled and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."
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- MA
ManOfWicklowJun 14, 2014Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant.
The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy".
The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved.
The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 14, 2014A rabbi and his two friends, a priest and a minister, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town. The sheriff raided their game and took all three before the local judge.
After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest: "Were you gambling, Father?" The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, "Oh, Lord, forgive me!" and then said aloud: "No, your honor, I was not gambling."
"Were you gambling, Reverend?" the judge asked the minister. The minister repeated the priest's actions and said, "No, your honor, I was not."
Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked: "Were you gambling, Rabbi?"
The rabbi eyed him coolly and replied "With whom?"ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 15, 2014After our honeymoon, I felt like a new man. Unfortunately, she said she did, tooReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJun 20, 2014I knew I'd found my dream girl when she said, "I found the porn on your laptop...we should try that."ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJul 16, 2014Dating two sisters was a pretty hard task, especially when they both lived in the same convent.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowJul 18, 2014An old man and a little boy on a donkey were on their way into town. They passed by a group of people who said, "What a shame for that old man to be walking while that perfectly able-bodied boy rides that donkey."So the boy got off the donkey and the old man got on. They later passed by some more people who said," Why should that little boy have to walk when they have a donkey to ride on.So the little boy got on the donkey and they both rode it. After a while, they passed some more people. They overheard the people say, "That poor donkey must be wore out from carrying both of them."So the little boy and old man picked up the donkey and started to carry it. They were carrying the donkey across a bridge. The weight of the donkey became just too unbearable and slipped from their grasp and went over the side of the bridge into the water and drowned.The moral of the story is- If You Try To Please Everyone You'll Eventually Lose Your ASS!ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJul 18, 2014While sitting on the most exalted throne you are still sitting on nothing but your ass.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterJul 19, 2014Las Vegas is a wild town. An hour after I had checked into a hotel, the house detective knocked on the door and said, "Do you have a woman in there?" I told him I didn't, so he threw one in.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 5, 2014Anyone who has ever dealt with city, state and federal agencies spells it bureaucrazy.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 6, 2014Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers hostage?
They threatened to release one every hour until their demands were met.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 7, 2014If thine enemy offends thee, give his child a drum.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowAug 7, 2014You know it's going to be a bad day, when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 7, 2014You're only as old as you feel.......the next day.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowAug 7, 2014[quote]You're only as old as you feel.......the next day.
[/quote]Depends whom you're feeling.ReactReply - T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 7, 2014Never feel someone's Depends.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 8, 2014The best cure for sea sickness is to go and sit under a tree.ReactReply
- LA
Lakeman221Aug 12, 2014[quote]Confucius Says: Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
[/quote]Confucius says "He who goes to bed with itchy asshole, wakes up with smelly fingers".ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowAug 14, 2014It's funny how after an argument is over, you start to think about more clever shit you could have said.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 14, 2014You don't see faith healers working in hospitals,
for the same reason you don't see psychics winning the lottery.ReactReply - MAManOfWicklowAug 14, 2014You know it's going to be a bad day when you take a pee and the wife asks what you're doing in the wardrobe.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 17, 2014Volvo, Video, Velcro (I came, I saw, I stuck around)ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowAug 17, 2014You know it must have been a good night,when you wake up and don't know who's house you're in.ReactReply
- T=Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal PosterAug 17, 2014OH God! It actually happened to me. The shower was running. I peeked in her purse - found her drivers license - liked what I saw - joined her in the shower.ReactReply
- MAManOfWicklowAug 17, 2014The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them.ReactReply