Add a Joke in Sequential Order

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Mar 31, 2013

  A man was talking to his friend about what to do for his 50thweddinganniversary. The friend asked, What did you do for your 25th?
  He said, I took my wife to Hawaii.The friend then asked, What are you thinking about for your 50th?
  He said, Well I was thinking of bringing her back.
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  A minister was called to a local nursing home to perform awedding. An anxious old man met him at the door. The pastor sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. "Do you love her?" The old man replied, "I guess." "Is she a good Christian woman?" "I don't know for sure," the old man answered. "Does she have lots of money?" asked the pastor. "I doubt it." "Then why are you marrying her?" the preacher asked. "She can drive at night," the old man said
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Mar 31, 2013

  A minister was called to a local nursing home to perform a wedding. An anxiousold manmet him at the door. The pastor sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. "Do you love her?" The old man replied, "I guess." "Is she a good Christian woman?" "I don't know for sure," the old man answered. "Does she have lots of money?" asked the pastor. "I doubt it." "Then why are you marrying her?" the preacher asked. "She can drive at night," the old man said
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  There were four 80-year-old men playing golf. Oneold mancomplained the hills were too high. The second complained the bunkers were too deep. The third said the holes were too wide. The fourth one said, ‘Shut up! At least we’re still on the right side of the grass!’

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Mar 31, 2013

  There were four 80-year-old menplaying golf. One old man complained the hills were too high. The second complained the bunkers were too deep. The third said the holes were too wide. The fourth one said, Shut up! At least were still on the right side of the grass!
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  Threeold menare at the doctor for a memory test.The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply. The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday" replies the second man. The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says the third man. "That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man. "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

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  ManOfWicklow

  Mar 31, 2013

  Three old men are at the doctor for amemorytest.The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply. The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday" replies the second man. The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says the third man. "That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man. "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday.
  
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  The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.
  
  "Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient.
  
  "You see, I seem to be losing mymemory. No, it's actually worse than that. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"
  
  The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance."
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Apr 1, 2013

  The man looked a little worried when thedoctorcame in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.              "Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient.              "You see, I seem to be losing my memory. No, it's actually worse than that. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"              The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance."
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  The doctor came into the exam room to administer the man's annual physical and said, "You are going to have to stop masturbating." The patient asked why, and thedoctorsaid, "Because I have to examine you now."
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 1, 2013

  The doctor came into theexamroom to administer the man's annual physical and said, "You are going to have to stop masturbating." The patient asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I have to examine you now."
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  Father :  Why did you get such a low score in thatexam?
  Son:  Absence !
  Father:  You were absent on the day of the exam ?
  Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was.

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Apr 1, 2013

  Father :  Why did you get such a low score in that exam ?Son:  Absence !Father:  You were absent on the day of theexam?Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was.
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  Two students missed their finalexambecause of to much partying. They told their Professor Doe that their car got a flat tire and that is why they missed the exam.
  Professor Doe thought this over and agreed that they could take the final the following day. The two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Doe had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet. He told them to begin.
  They looked at the first problem which was something simple about molarity and solutions; it was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be an easy final". They then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on it. The question contained only two words: (95 points) Which tire?
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 1, 2013

  Two students missed their final exam because of to much partying. They told their Professor Doe that theircargot a flat tire and that is why they missed the exam.
  Professor Doe thought this over and agreed that they could take the final the following day. The two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Doe had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet. He told them to begin.
  They looked at the first problem which was something simple about molarity and solutions; it was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be an easy final". They then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on it. The question contained only two words: (95 points) Which tire?
  ===================
  
  Wife: "There's trouble with thecar. It has water in the carburettor."
  Husband: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous."
  Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."
  Husband: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out.
  Where's the car?"
  Wife: "In the pool."

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Apr 1, 2013

  Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor."Husband: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous."Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."Husband: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out.Where's the car?"Wife: "In the pool."
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  It was Sally’s first time going for jury duty and she was a little bit apprehensive. “I would just like you to know” said Sally as soon as she was in front of the judge “that I feel very strongly that capital punishment is morally unjust and incorrect.” “That’s OK , said the judge “capital punishment is not a possibility in this case so it’s perfectly fine for you to serve on this jury.” “What’s the case about?” Asked Sally. “Well Mrs. Smith is filing a suit against herhusbandfor gambling away the money she had saved for remodeling her bathroom”, replied the judge. “Alright” replied Sally “I’ll serve on this one, I may have been wrong about the capital punishment thing after all.”

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 1, 2013

  It was Sallys first time going for jury duty and she was a little bit apprehensive. I would just like you to know said Sally as soon as she was in front of the judge that I feel very strongly thatcapitalpunishment is morally unjust and incorrect. Thats OK , said the judge capital punishment is not a possibility in this case so its perfectly fine for you to serve on this jury. Whats the case about? Asked Sally. Well Mrs. Smith is filing a suit against her husband for gambling away the money she had saved for remodeling her bathroom, replied the judge. Alright replied Sally Ill serve on this one, I may have been wrong about the capital punishment thing after all.
  
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  blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying.
  
  The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!"
  
  The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's theCapitalof Montana?"
  
  The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Apr 1, 2013

  A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying.              The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!"              The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?"
  Theblondetosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"
  
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  Ablondewalks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
  Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies......................"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 2, 2013

  Ablonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a newRolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
  Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies......................"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
  ======================
  
  This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy in aRolls Royceat a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in there?"
  The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do."
  "I got one too... see?"
  "Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."
  Then the man in the Granada says, "You got a fax machine?"
  "Why, actually, yes, I do."
  "I do too! See? It's right here!
  "Uh-huh."
  The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Granada says, "So, do YOU have a double bed in back there?"
  And the guy in the Rolls says, "NO! Do you?
  "Yep, got my double bed right in back here - see?!"
  The light turns and the man in the Granada takes off.
  Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car.
  About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.
  The windows on the Granada are all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Granada.
  The man in the Granada finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.
  The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?"
  "Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?"
  "Check this out - I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."
  And the man in the Granada says, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Apr 2, 2013

  This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in there?"The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do.""I got one too... see?""Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."Then the man in the Granada says, "You got afax machine?""Why, actually, yes, I do.""I do too! See? It's right here!"Uh-huh."The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Granada says, "So, do YOU have a double bed in back there?"And the guy in the Rolls says, "NO! Do you?"Yep, got my double bed right in back here - see?!"The light turns and the man in the Granada takes off.Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car.About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.The windows on the Granada are all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Granada.The man in the Granada finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?""Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?""Check this out - I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."And the man in the Granada says, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"
  
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  It’s more than obvious: The high technology of the information age isn’t for everyone.
  Consider the man standing by the office fax machine and scratching his head when a co-worker walks by.
  “Do you know anything about thisfax machine?” the puzzled fellow asks.
  “A little. What’s wrong?”
  “Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened.”
  “How did you load the sheet?” the other worker asks.
  “Well, it’s confidential, so I folded it in half, like this, so no one else could read it.”
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 2, 2013

  Its more than obvious: The high technology of the information age isnt for everyone.
  Consider the man standing by theofficefax machine and scratching his head when a co-worker walks by.
  Do you know anything about this fax machine? the puzzled fellow asks.
  A little. Whats wrong?
  Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened.
  How did you load the sheet? the other worker asks.
  Well, its confidential, so I folded it in half, like this, so no one else could read it.
  ====================
  
  Smith goes to see his supervisor in the frontoffice. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
  
  “We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”
  
  “Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!”

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Apr 2, 2013

  Smith goes to see hissupervisorin the front office. Boss, he says, were doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff. Were short-handed, Smith the boss replies. I cant give you the day off. Thanks, boss, says Smith I knew I could count on you!
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  Two gas company servicemen, a senior trainingsupervisorand a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"
  
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 2, 2013

  Two gas company servicemen, aseniortraining supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"
  
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  A group of Sun CitySeniorcitizens were sitting around talking about their ailments:
  
  "My arms are so weak I can barely hold a cup of coffee", said one.
  
  "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee", replied another.
  
  "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck", said a third, to which several nodded in agreement.
  
  My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another went on.
  
  "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he shook his head.
  
  Then there was a short moment of silence.
  
  "Well, it's not that bad" said one woman cheerfully. "Thank God, we can all still drive"!
  
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Apr 2, 2013

  A group of Sun City Senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments:"My arms are so weak I can barely hold a cup of coffee", said one."Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee", replied another."I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck", said a third, to which several nodded in agreement.My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another went on."I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he shook his head.Then there was a short moment of silence."Well, it's not that bad" said one woman cheerfully. "ThankGod, we can all still drive"!
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  Bill Gates died and was soon standing in front of God.Godlooked through Bill's book and couldn't decide if he wanted to send Bill to Hell or Heaven, so he gave Bill a choice. Looking through Heaven's window Bill Gates saw a sunny beach. In Hell's window Bill saw not only a beach, but beautiful women too, so of course he chooses Hell. Two weeks later God goes to check on Bill Gates and finds him running from devils having a horrible time. "How's it going, Bill?" God asked."Horrible! What happened to the beach and the women?" Bill cried."Oh," God laughed. "That was the screensaver."
  
  
  
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 3, 2013

  Bill Gates died and was soon standing in front of God. God looked through Bill's book and couldn't decide if he wanted to send Bill to Hell or Heaven, so he gave Bill a choice. Looking through Heaven's window Bill Gates saw a sunnybeach. In Hell's window Bill saw not only a beach, but beautiful women too, so of course he chooses Hell. Two weeks later God goes to check on Bill Gates and finds him running from devils having a horrible time. "How's it going, Bill?" God asked."Horrible! What happened to the beach and the women?" Bill cried."Oh," God laughed. "That was the screensaver."
  
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  A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
  
  The guy says OK, and drives away.
  
  The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"
  
  The guy replies: "I did ... today I'm taking them to thebeach!"
  
  
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Apr 3, 2013

  Apolice officersees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."The guy says OK, and drives away.The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"
  The guy replies: "I did ... today I'm taking them to the beach!"
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  A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a womanpolice officerwho was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde drivers license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "Its square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is." she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
  

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 3, 2013

  A blondewomanwas speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officerwho was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde drivers license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "Its square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is." she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
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  Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it
  started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put
  it over her cigarette and continued smoking.
  Lady 1: What's that?
  Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
  Lady 1: Where did you get it?
  Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
  The next day...Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
  announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
  The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of
  age), but politely asks thewomanwhat brand she prefers.
  Lady 1: It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel.
  

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  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Apr 3, 2013

  Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when itstarted to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, putit over her cigarette and continued smoking.Lady 1: What's that?Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.Lady 1: Where did you get it?Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.The next day...Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore andannounces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years ofage), but politely asks the woman what brand she prefers.Lady 1: It doesn't matter as long as it fits aCamel.
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  This guy named Joe was going into the desert for a week and he needed acamelfor the trip. Joe was a stranger to the desert but was able to locate a rent-a-camel office. Joe tells the rent-a-camel man that he will be making a long trip through the desert for one week. The rent-a-camel man says even his best camel can only go 4 days without water. After some discussion, the rent-a-camel man says "I don't like to suggest this, but you know a good camel can go an extra 3 days or more if he is bricked." Joe agrees to take the best camel. As he leaves the rent-a-camel office, the rent-a-camel man reminds Joe to brick the camel. Not wanting to display his ignorance, Joe doesn't ask about the procedure for bricking the camel. Well Joe knows that it is a long difficult trip for the camel and lets it eat ant drink its fill. He encourages the camel to take on all the water it can by offering it often. Sure enough 4 days into the trip the camel drops dead. Poor Joe barely makes it back to town alive and can't wait to confront the rent-a-camel man. "You rented me a poor camel", Joe says, "It died after only 4 days in the desert, and I almost perished with it." The puzzled rent-a-camel man looks up at Joe and says, "He was my best camel. Did you brick him?" Mad as hell, Joe replies, "Brick him, what the hell do you mean." The rent-a-camel man explains that when the camel bends over to take water, you take two bricks and slam his gonads, as the camel gasps with his head in the water he takes on another 3 to 4 day supply of water. "My GOD", Joe says," Doesn't that hurt?" The rent-a-camel man answers, "No! Just keep your thumbs out of the way when you slam the bricks together."

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  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 4, 2013

  This guy named Joe was going into the desert for a week and he needed a camel for the trip. Joe was astrangerto the desert but was able to locate a rent-a-camel office. Joe tells the rent-a-camel man that he will be making a long trip through the desert for one week. The rent-a-camel man says even his best camel can only go 4 days without water. After some discussion, the rent-a-camel man says "I don't like to suggest this, but you know a good camel can go an extra 3 days or more if he is bricked." Joe agrees to take the best camel. As he leaves the rent-a-camel office, the rent-a-camel man reminds Joe to brick the camel. Not wanting to display his ignorance, Joe doesn't ask about the procedure for bricking the camel. Well Joe knows that it is a long difficult trip for the camel and lets it eat ant drink its fill. He encourages the camel to take on all the water it can by offering it often. Sure enough 4 days into the trip the camel drops dead. Poor Joe barely makes it back to town alive and can't wait to confront the rent-a-camel man. "You rented me a poor camel", Joe says, "It died after only 4 days in the desert, and I almost perished with it." The puzzled rent-a-camel man looks up at Joe and says, "He was my best camel. Did you brick him?" Mad as hell, Joe replies, "Brick him, what the hell do you mean." The rent-a-camel man explains that when the camel bends over to take water, you take two bricks and slam his gonads, as the camel gasps with his head in the water he takes on another 3 to 4 day supply of water. "My GOD", Joe says," Doesn't that hurt?" The rent-a-camel man answers, "No! Just keep your thumbs out of the way when you slam the bricks together."
  
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  Astrangerwas seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.' The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?' 'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles. OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?' The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence ... thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.' To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know SHIT?

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• T=

  

  Tom === Thomas S. TierneyOriginal Poster

  Apr 4, 2013

  Astrangerwas seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.' The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?' 'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles. OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?' The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence ... thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.' To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know SHIT?
  
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  A man and his wife are stranded on a desert island. The wife begins to lose interest in her husband and wishes on a star that she would find another man. The next day a man is washed on shore. He is very nice looking and finds immediate interest in the wife. The husband was very pleased that there was another man to help work.So they started on building a watchtower. Thestrangerand wife wanted to have mad passionate sex on the beach. So he tried to think of a plan. SO then the stranger offered to watch first from the watchtower. While the husband and wife worked, the stranger yelled, ''Hey! No screwing! Get back to work!''  At this, the couple yelled back, ''We're not screwing!''A little while later the man again yelled out to them. And again the couple denied it. This happened several times during his shift up in the watchtower, and when his turn was over, the husband took over. With that, the stranger made love to the wife on the beach. The husband, watching, exclaimed, ''Wow, it really does look like they're screwing from up here!'''
  

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• MA

  

  ManOfWicklow

  Apr 4, 2013

  Amanand his wife are stranded on a desert island. The wife begins to lose interest in her husband and wishes on a star that she would find another man. The next day a man is washed on shore. He is very nice looking and finds immediate interest in the wife. The husband was very pleased that there was another man to help work.So they started on building a watchtower. The strangerand wife wanted to have mad passionate sex on the beach. So he tried to think of a plan. SO then the stranger offered to watch first from the watchtower. While the husband and wife worked, the stranger yelled, ''Hey! No screwing! Get back to work!''  At this, the couple yelled back, ''We're not screwing!''A little while later the man again yelled out to them. And again the couple denied it. This happened several times during his shift up in the watchtower, and when his turn was over, the husband took over. With that, the stranger made love to the wife on the beach. The husband, watching, exclaimed, ''Wow, it really does look like they're screwing from up here!'''
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  A very drunkmancomes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
  He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
  The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."

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